Nursing Voices

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Patients Say the Darndest Things

I remember watching the Art Linkletter Show when I was a little girl. His show came on in the afternoon, and I was allowed to watch it after I ate my lunch. My favorite part of the show was “Kids Say the Darndest Things.” I’m sure that some of their comments and observations embarrassed the heck out of their parents. I remember my mom laughing at what the kids said, and then warning me not to say things like that about her out in public. Over the years, I’ve heard patients say the darndest things. Here are some of the most memorable quotes I’ve heard during my years as a nurse.

A woman gives birth to a baby girl. The doctor tells her that he is about to deliver the placenta. The woman names her baby girl Placenta because, “It’s a pretty word.”

A drug addict argues with a nurse because he wants his pain meds NOW! She wants to know why he thinks that he deserves free drugs and services just for being a bum. He said, “I’m on welfare. Welfare is an entitlement. That means I’m entitled to get whatever I want.”

A patient arrives on a psychiatric unit wearing a tinfoil hat during an election year. He tells his nurse that he is talking to his Space Brothers. The nurse asks the patient what he and the Space Brothers are talking about. He said, “I’m telling the Space Brothers that one of them needs to run for President. The Earth Candidates are fuckups, and we are going to get screwed over again if one of those idiots gets into the White House."

I couldn’t have said it better myself.

(My apologies to Hillary Clinton and to all of her supporters who read my blog. Sorry, everyone. I just had to use this picture.)


Blogger MY OWN WOMAN... said...

Maybe he's not so crazy afterall?

9:10 AM  
Blogger My Heart On My Sleeve said...

Space Bros For President!!!

10:15 AM  
Blogger SQT said...

I knew a girl who was actually named Urine (pronounced yoo-reen) by her mom, who saw the word and thought it sounded pretty. (I forget where she was from, but it certainly wasn't America).

She went by the nickname "Boo boo." I don't know where that came from, but under the circumstances I would've gone by "Boo boo" too.

11:26 AM  
Blogger kario said...

We are in the midst of giving tours at the Montessori school where I work and I've had parents ask the craziest questions. The other day one of them asked me whether the children (ages 3-5) were accompanied by teachers on the playground at recess. I really wanted to say, "Nope, we just shove 'em out the door and lock it behind 'em. When the bell rings, they know it's time to come back in and we unlock the door."

12:28 PM  
Blogger darkman said...

Very funny!Keep it up.

12:56 PM  
Blogger Scott said...

"Placenta"? They seriously let somebody name a kid that? That is horrible! I hope the little girl chose to go by "Lacey".

I don't follow politics, though I am registered Elephant. I just picked up a book in Barnes and Noble called "The Truth About Hillary." First of all, I don't think truth and Clinton should ever be uttered in public. And if 1/4 of the things that book alleges are true, then it would be a disaster for this country to elect her! Personally, after Bush, I think I might vote for Obama.

11:17 PM  
Blogger Jean-Luc Picard said...

A few good laughs here!

3:50 PM  
Blogger Magpie said...

Please tell me that the placenta story is apocryphal. Please.

11:46 AM  

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