Nursing Voices

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Why Gomer Pyle Should Work For JCAHO

Are you old enough to remember Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C ? The show’s tagline was, “Surprise, surprise, surprise!” I wasn’t a fan of the show. Gomer's tagline was irritating, and the show quickly got on my nerves.

So, now that we’ve talked about Gomer, let’s talk about JCAHO. For those who don’t know, JCAHO is the boogieman of the hospital world. No one likes them because of their white glove inspections, and because hospitals don’t know when JCAHO is coming unless someone tips them off. Last weekend, the Greatest Hospital in the World received a tip from the Hospital Down the Road that JCAHO was in town and was heading our way. All the mangers came in over the weekend and made my life miserable. Did you know that no hospital supplies can be stored within 18 freaking inches of the ceiling. I literally saw nursing managers up on ladders measuring the piles of crap that we store on top of wall cabinets. My boss looked really nervous. I know that she was praying that JCAHO didn’t arrive over the weekend while I was at work. She knows that I give honest answers to honest questions, and hospitals NEVER want their employees to give honest answers to JCAHO. Here’s the standard script that nurses are given when JACHO comes to town:

JCAHO: Hello nurse, do you give good quality care at your hospital?

Nurse: Yes, we do. I love working at the Greatest Hospital in the World. We rock!


Yeah, I’m not saying that. There’s no way that I could say that kind of stuff with a straight face, but I digress. It turned out that The Greatest Hospital in the World received bad information from the Hospital Down the Road. JCAHO never arrived and they have taken off to parts unknown. Now, let’s get back to Gomer. I think Gomer Pyle would make a great JCAHO employee. He is irritating, he gets on people’s nerves, and his tagline would make him a fantastic inspector.

Surprise, surprise, surprise!

6 Comments:

Blogger Angry Nurse said...

Your post makes me appreciate working in Canada for once.

Our inspection/accrediation bodies only show up once every three years, they schedule their visits and once they issue their rating no take backs!

Yup we're a 5 star hotel until the next time they show up!

10:04 PM  
Blogger Charli and me said...

Isn't it a hoot. I remember when I was working the managers used to run all kinds of stuff out to their cars. If only JCAHO or public health would check the parking lots. What a joke. Just like hospital violence. Every year you had to fill out a questionier. Everything was fine on paper but God for bid if you try to point out a problem. No one wants to hear any it. It goes the same with reporting med errors. Everything is covered up. Once I was on a wound comittee and we monitored our individual floors. It was amazing! All seven floors got a 98+ compliance rating except mine. It was a low 68. Well I didn't serve on that comittee very long. LOL My manager started doing the monitoring and our scores shot up like you wouldn't believe. When JCAHO came they thought we were all doing a great job. If it looks good on paper, well, then it must be good right?

9:56 AM  
Blogger Doreen Orion said...

Wonder if Hospital Down the Road gave Greatest Hospital In the World bum info on purpose? Or, am I too cynical (or did I just work at hospitals far too long)?

10:33 PM  
Blogger Forty_Two said...

His singing voice was much better than his speaking voice.

4:05 PM  
Blogger Ivory said...

I'm no great lover of JACHO but I have to say, the point of having the rules is to follow them. Random inspections mean we're ready all the time to comply with regs and give the best patient care.

8:24 PM  
Blogger Awake In Rochester said...

Shazam, I think your right! But Gomer might be to nice for that job.

A nurse told me about the 18" rule. Since she didn't equip me a ruler, or a ladder, I concluded that she was just complaining, and didn't expect me to measure those high cupboards.

2:45 AM  

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