Nursing Voices

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

The Perfect Woman

In today’s book report, I’m revealing some tips on how to be the perfect woman. In her book Perfect Womanhood, published in 1901, Mary R. Melendy, M.D., PH. D. tells readers how to have a happy marriage, healthy children, and a radiant body.

First, let’s discuss what a perfect woman looks like. Forget looking like an anorexic super model. According to Dr. Melendy, the perfect woman looks like this sculpture of Napoleon Bonaparte’s sister, Paulina. She has a big butt, a large waist, and a flat chest. According to Dr. Melendy most women are drop dead gorgeous, so let’s move on.

Dr. Melendy writes that beauty starts from within. The perfect woman only thinks thoughts of joy, love, and peace. She instructs women to sit in silence for an hour every night and think subservient thoughts because it helps them become less selfish and more submissive to their husbands’ will. Yeah, right. I’m sorry, as someone who refuses to be a doormat, I’m going to have to pass on this one. The only thing I want to do at night is watch a little TV and surf the web.

Dr. Melendy said that the perfect woman worships her husband, and has LOTS of babies. She said that the a woman is the “seed from which life springs forth.” She also says a good mother knows how to prepare home treatments when someone in her family is ill.

Here are just a few treatments that the good doctor recommends in her book.


“Aconite, Belladonna, Kali Chloricum, Kali Bi-Chromicum, Proto-Iodide, or Bin-Iodide of Mercury are the principal remedies in this disease.

Give one teaspoon of Aconite and Belladonna in alternation, every hour until the fever subsides. If, however the symptoms grow worse, give five drops of Belladonna, twenty drops of Kali Chloricum, and half a grain of the Kali Bi-Chloricum, each in a tumbler half full of water. Of the Mercury, which is also powder, give a dose about the size of a small pea.”

Chicken Pox:

“For fever and headache, give Aconite and Belladonna, alternately (turn about).

If there is aching of the bones, and bilious symptoms, give Bryonia and Rhus, alternately.

For restlessness and nervous excitement, disturbed sleep, etc., give Coffea. If there is a painful discharge of urine give Cantharides or Conium, or both alternately.

If the eruption is very server, give Tartar Emetic.”

Be watching for more tips from Dr. Melendy's book on how to be the perfect woman.


Blogger enabstraccion said...

me gusta el diseño de su blog y lo q dice la invito a q visite mi blog es

8:53 PM  
Blogger The Desert Man said...

Aconite???? no wonder the person would get sicker!!! that stuff is HOT!!!

but thank you for hte wonerful advice, now if I cna only find someone dumb enough to believe it,yet smart enough to read...
Oh the quandries of the modern world...

11:43 PM  
Blogger apgaRN said...

I've so enjoyed reading your blog... is it ok if I add you to my favorite links? Fairly new to the blogosphere.

12:13 AM  
Blogger Ms. Knitingale said...

I wonder if the good doctor was sitting quietly thinking subservient thoughts whilst she was getting her ph.D? Just a bit of a double standard, perhaps?

12:41 AM  
Blogger BagelUndertheCouch said...

"subservient thoughts"? i think not. more like, "how to manipulate my boyfriend into doing whatever i tell him to..."

2:14 AM  
Blogger ~+* Pale Enchantress *+~ said...

"subservient thoughts"? i think not. more like, "how to manipulate my boyfriend into doing whatever i tell him to..."

hahahahaha, best comment ever!
Hey, I really liked your blog (= Really interesting stuff to read
kisses, take care! ^^

7:38 AM  
Blogger darkman said...

J,the subject of my blog,had his own,rather simplistic ideas about what made the perfect woman.

9:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

love your blog
keep it up

9:48 AM  
Blogger Yasamin said...

wait... how did we go from chicken pox to a rupture??? did i miss something? please tell me Dr Melendy died of something painful.

Subserviant my ass.

10:32 AM  
Blogger Dr. Kirk Laman said...

Thanks for adding me. I ejoy what you write.


12:09 PM  
Blogger The Curmudgeon said...

Ms. Knitingale has a point.

12:42 PM  
Blogger Jean-Luc Picard said...

They knew what to do in 1901!

1:22 PM  
Blogger Laura said...

The perfect woman, Wow! I am looking forward to further reading & seeing what I need to do to turn into this so called "perfect woman". By the way belladonna really does help to take away my headaches.

1:51 PM  
Blogger adam said...

The advice, is LMAO loud!!

"The Perfect Woman," seems like a good relic to have on the book-shelf...

Loved this post!

I had Shingles..damn, Chicken Pox, gone under-cover!. Woot-woot, for a stress-free life! Shingles, would be a good one for this good Doctor to get~~ She's dead, right?

Anyway, thanks for the Link-back. Enjoying this "spot" immensely [sic.]

xx, adam.

3:45 PM  
Blogger poody said...

Who knew I have the perfect body!Big butt, large waist and a flat chest!

4:02 PM  
Blogger The Wal-NutzManiac said...

Nurse Ratched, I recently came across your blog and I must tell you that I had to subscribe !!! Please keep up the good work of keeping us all well informed !!!

5:41 PM  
Blogger Amie Barnett said...

Wait a minute, what do you do for a radiant body?

6:03 PM  
Blogger ~Autumn said...

"The only thing I want to do at night is watch a little TV and surf the web" - Amen Sister!

6:41 PM  
Blogger RX850 said...

Ah, the perfect woman. No wonder I'm single and quite happy living alone. But I just may have the perfect body! Woohoo!

11:07 PM  
Blogger Straight Laced said...

A fine publication by an upstanding woman. I approve.

12:22 AM  
Blogger Pedeety said...

A friend once showed me a book called "Always Ask A Man." It pretty much detailed how to be a total doormat. We laughed so hard we cried, but it kinda wasn't funny.

No wonder I'm a lesbian. :P

12:52 AM  
Blogger sjer said...

Well that settles it. I am not the perfect woman. It's nice to have confirmation. I guess I'll just have to embrace my imperfections. Very much enjoy your blog!

12:55 AM  
Blogger orangequant said...

Dear Nurse Ratched,
i read a little, then a little more. hooked! read the whole thing. great stuff. i've been upstaged more than once by a nurse. not fun. do you have a tester try your food at work before you eat it? LOL- just kidding. but do the docs read your blog too? oh- desert_man, i wondered about the aconite too, 'til i realized the context of the whole prescription. it must have been aconitum (homeopathic), not raw aconite. i guess.

3:07 AM  
Blogger Sugar-E said...

Great blog!!!!

5:08 AM  
Blogger Gill said...

Oh no!! I am imperfect. I have huge tits and a small bum... and I don't have subservient thoughts. Is there any advice in the book on how to aqcuire subservient thoughts??

6:00 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

wonderful- a great weblog- a credit to you.....
E x

7:28 AM  
Blogger charles blunt said...

I did not know that the perfect women existed till i married her .

3:35 PM  
Blogger MadMike said...

.....the perfect woman...Hmmmmmmm:-) :-)I think discretion, at least in this forum, is the better part of valor.....

7:42 PM  
Blogger Cyndy said...

I didn't know I was related to Napoleon Bonaparte!!
There was certainly some potentially deadly "cures" out there, wasn't there...I think I'm glad to be a modern, "Bonapartesque"-woman.
Cheers xo;)

2:15 AM  
Blogger MyLifeWithTeenagers! said...

I have worked in a family practice office for 23 years. There is not much I have not seen or heard. I have also had the privilege of raising 4 children, 21-17-15-11
Feeling beautiful is very hard to achieve! I feel like I have ran a marathon on most days, I'm asleep before my head hits the pillow. I have a home, but I live in a minivan.
If I take a bath, I have an audience!
My clothes are old, worn out but my children look great and up to date. I don't mind the sacrifice for them! I have the most wonderful husband, He tells me everyday how beautiful I am and how lucky he is to be married to me, 19 years this anniversary.
So, beautiful is a state of mind!

Love your blog!

4:13 PM  
Blogger Laura V said...

I just picked up a copy of this book today at a used bookstore. Unfortunately, mine has a number of printing errors (page 120 is on the back of page 112, for example), so I am missing some of the important instructions on how to be a perfect woman.


12:59 PM  

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