Nursing Voices

Sunday, October 22, 2006

More From The Perfect Woman

A few days ago, we discussed what a perfect woman looks like according to the book, The Perfect Woman, written by Mary R. Melendy, M.D., PhD. Today, I’m sharing Dr. Melendy’s beauty secrets for getting that perfect woman glow.

First, find a rubber hose and shove it up your nose. According to Dr. Melendy, flushing the body with water from the inside out will make you robust, hence, giving you a healthy glow. I thought doing things like that would cause a nosebleed, but what do I know, she’s a doctor and I’m just a nurse. She also suggests hiring a chambermaid to hose you down with cold water. I recommend that you stand inside of a tub before your chambermaid administers this treatment, otherwise you’ll have a mess on your hands. The woman in the illustration is not standing in a tub. I guess back then, being beautiful didn’t mean you had to be smart, just subservient to your husband’s will.

Dr. Melendy said that bathing is an essential part to being beautiful.

Here are Dr. Melendy’s rules about taking a bath:

1) Take a bath when you’re warm. After you take a bath, exercise. Sweat makes you glow.
2) Do not eat two hours before, or one hour after bathing.
3) The best times for bathing are at 10 a.m., 3 p.m., and at bedtime. Every full bath should be taken quickly, and should be followed by a vigorous rubdown, and exercising.
4) Wet the head and chest before bathing to prevent colds.

Dr. Melendy said that a woman’s hair is her glory. She tells readers that brushing their hair everyday will remove dust, thereby preventing dandruff, and she suggests that readers shampoo their hair with Green’s soap, pure Castile soap, Woodbury’s tar soap, and Pear’s soap. Castile soap is great stuff. When I was a nursing student, we used Castile soap as a shampoo in the hospital, and we still use it when we give soap water enemas. I know, too much information.

I will be posting more tips later. Next time, we will discuss perfect motherhood.


Blogger Katie said...

I guess to be a perfect woman I'll have to give those things a shot... I've tried everything else already.

11:32 PM  
Blogger Dr. Tofu said...

That window looks just like an uterus...

2:46 AM  
Blogger Blagoja Evkoski said...

7:26 AM  
Blogger R2K said...

They really didnt know anything back then did they : )

8:46 AM  
Blogger Lea said...

1. Personally, I prefer bathing after exercise.
2. That sounds more like the swimming rules.
3. A full time job is not conducive to this rule.
4. Umm...what?

I can't wait to read about perfect motherhood!

12:45 PM  
Anonymous Moof said...

Oh my gosh ... these are good!

You know, if makes me wonder what people 50 years from now will reminiscing about our own generation!

Hopefully we won't come off looking quite as silly ... ;o)

2:50 PM  
Blogger Cliff Notes said...

My guess is Doc Melendy was a super Snake Oil Salesperson.

This was my impression as I was reading the early script, and then I got to the part where actual products are recommended.

Just proves that marketing is nothing new...nor is "objective information" with a purely subjective motive.

Highly entertaining stuff, however! Thanks for posting. Nothing like a peek back in time, as it continues to show us that some things never change....

except for perhaps being hosed down with cold water by choice.

3:17 PM  
Blogger Oestre-Bunny said...

is the door supposed to resemble the female reproductive system?

what i want to know is, once the water gets up your nose, where is it supposed to come out?

5:07 PM  
Blogger poody said...

gives new meaning to the phrase "up your nose with a rubber hose" I must have been asleep in the class that taught about that! I too know all too well the results of Castille soap in a triple H enema!!Now I know why I am still single I haven't been doing the right things to "glow" and I guess the not eating ac and pc is to keep from getting a cramp!

6:05 PM  
Blogger Mother Jones RN said...

I just put the window there because I thought it looked nice, but now that you mention it, it does look like a uterus.

I'm currently reading the chapter on how to be the perfect mother, and I'll be sharing that information with you soon.

6:11 PM  
Blogger The Wal-NutzManiac said...

Thanks for the bathing tips, Nurse Ratched !!! Bathe between 10 a.m. and what p.m.??? LOL

8:01 PM  
Blogger RX850 said...

LOL the first thing I thought of when I saw the stained glass was uterus and fallopian tubes. Gotta go now, my chambermaid is here for my hosing! :)

8:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmmm. They should re-write that doctor's suggestions as "Torturing Women for Dummies".

9:59 PM  
Blogger AtYourCervix said...

Cute uterine stained glass window....always wanted one of them for my house.

10:44 PM  
Blogger Cyndy said...

I would like that bath in my bathroom, but I don't want the rules....;) ;)

2:27 AM  
Blogger Rogers said...

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2:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

excellent!! cant wait for the follow up.
scarry to think people believed it or did they?

4:56 AM  
Blogger JustCallMeJo said...

Fabulous blogging...
I may stick around and read more, if that's okay.
/jo, RN

10:43 AM  
Blogger Jean-Luc Picard said...

The rubber hose sounds a little extreme.

1:52 PM  
Blogger The Angry Medic said...

Heh. You think, Captain Picard?

And oh, I know what you did with the stained-glass window, Mother Jones. Cleverr, cleverr...

4:36 PM  
Blogger Wonder Booger said...

What do us nurses know anyway...?

10:04 PM  
Blogger Penni said...

I wash my hair with beer soap. Smells delicious.

Very funny blog - I'm hanging out to here about motherhood...I am sure I'm doing EVERYTHING wrong.

Fantastic blog.

7:07 PM  
Blogger MadMike said...

OK! I am going to regret this. A friend of mine just returned from her GI guy. She had some sort of syndrome thing. He told her that she should, uh, CLEANSE the bowel at least twice a year and actually prescribed some type of, uh, stuff. Is this snake oil medicine?

7:41 PM  

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