Nursing Voices

Monday, August 11, 2008

It's Moving Day at Nurse Ratched’s Place

Welcome to moving day at Nurse Ratched’s Place. Yep, I’m out of here and I’m moving to my own website. The great thing about moving to a new website is that you don’t have to pack, rent a truck, or pick up a heavy box and throw your back out. However, you do have to find someone who can do some heavy lifting (I'm clueless about computer stuff), and help you get to your new destination. My moving man is the one and only Shane from Healthcare Today and Ask He’s not one of the guys wearing overalls in the picture. He’s my blog angel. Thank you, Shane.

Please reset your links to my new web address, and come on over and see my new place. Check out I won’t ask you to carry boxes, and housewarming gifts are not required.

Friday, August 08, 2008

Mr. Jailbird's Day in Court

I went to court yesterday to confront Mr. Jailbird, the man who attacked my coworkers and me a few months back. He looked “thrilled” to be in court. He cut his hair, cleaned himself up, and was accompanied to court by his social worker and his therapeutic foster parents. He’s an adult who is still in the foster care system. Go figure. His posse glared at me and the other nurses like we were deviants for making Mr. Jailbird talk to a judge about his criminal behavior. I stared back at them. Let the games begin.

My coworkers and I sat through many mini hearings in the courtroom before they got to our case. We were the last ones on the court docket. Our assailant didn’t enter the courtroom until the last minute. He was waiting in the public defender's office. Right before our case was called, the court bailiff whispered something in the judge’s ear. Then the judge called a brief recess. There was a commotion at the bench as the judge was ushered to his chambers by security. The states attorney told us that Mr. Jailbird’s public defender had just warned the court of her clients escalating behavior. He was making threats against the judge and the witnesses in his case. The state’s attorney was smiling. Mr. Jailbird had just proven her case. Extra security officers quickly entered the courtroom. Then the judge came back into the courtroom and he started the trial.

I testified first. Mr. Jailbird was about ten feet away from me as I recalled the events to the best of my ability. I could hear his chair creaking as he rocked in his seat. I glanced over once at Mr. Jailbird. His eyes locked on me. I fought back tears when the state’s attorney showed me the evidence bag containing the shank Mr. Jailbird used in the assault. I took a deep breath and focused on the judge. Then the public defender asked me questions. She tried to rattle me, but I took my time answering her questions. She knew her case was a lost cause because she was the one who had tipped off the court about her client’s threats.

In the end, Mr. Jailbird was found guilty of 2nd degree assault and malicious destruction of property. The sentencing phase of the trial will take place in 90 days. The judge wants a court physiatrist to examine Mr. Jailbird before he decides what to do with him. In the meantime, Mr. Jailbird is going back home with his foster parents. The judge put him on a short leash. Mr. Jailbird was told that he would go to the poky if he acts up while he awaits his sentence. The judge also asked me when I wanted to make my victim statement. He said, “Do you want to do it now or later, although I can just imagine what you’re going to say. *Snort* " I’ll make my statement when the judge rules in the case.

I bumped into Mr. Jailbird’s social worker as I was leaving court. She told me that no one currently involved in his case knew anything about Mr. Jailbird’s past exploits at the hospital. She showed me a legal pad filled with notes, and she told me that she was going to be making a lot of phone calls when she got home from court. Then I saw Mr. Jailbird's foster parents in the parking lot. They looked shell shocked. Mr. Jailbird faces ten years in jail and $25,000 fine. I just have one more thing to say:

Throw em’ in jail!

Tuesday, August 05, 2008


Jail Bird by Kevin Hanna

I love this picture. Kevin Hanna is a very talented artists and I really like her work. Her creations are colorful, playful, and very imaginative. I hope to create another jailbird at the end of the week. I’m going to court on August 7th to testify against my attacker. He came after my coworkers and me a few months ago and tried stabbing us with a shank. It’s a toss up whether I’ll have my day in court. The court date has already been postponed twice. I’ll keep you posted.

Monday, August 04, 2008

The Secret Society of Ophra Winfrey

There’s something sinister going on in the universe. It’s a growing power that we can’t see or touch, but special people know that it’s there. This information is top secret, so don’t tell anyone else. My source works with the Ophra Team.

Ophra Winfrey has been called the most powerful woman in America. Actually, she is the ruler of a secret society, which makes her the most powerful woman in the world. I’ve never met Ophra, but, as a psychiatric nurse, I do meet with members of her secret society on a regular basis. A member of Ophra’s secret society recently arrived on my unit. She spoke to me on the condition of anonymity, and she told me many insider secrets about Ophra’s secret society, and about Ophra Winfrey herself. Did you know that Ophra has a special team that implants microchips inside of her followers while they sleep? These implants foster the sense of brotherhood, making strangers into friends. Ophra has many friends. This is a common story among Ophra secret society members, so it must be true. My source also gave me the inside story about Stedman and Ophra’s friend, Gayle. Stedman is a robot, and Gayle and Ophra are lovers. I was shocked to learn about Stedman, but rumors have been flying around about Ophra’s gay relationship with Gayle for a long time. It’s an open secret…. not that there’s anything wrong with that.

You may think that these wild stories are just conspiracy theories thought up by people who need to keep taking their medication. It’s true that people suffering from delusions can come up with some wacky tales. I’m sure that it’s just a coincidence that Ophra’s new XM Satellite Radio program is called, “Oprah & Friends,” and that she’s promoting a book called, The Secret.

Watch your back. Ophra wants to be your friend, too.