Give Until It Hurts

Theses two characters are friends of Columbia, the late 19th century representative symbol of the United States. I’ve been staring at this picture for the last couple of minutes, and I can’t tell if these individuals are homely women with man hands, or two guys dressed up in drag. The nurse on the left scares me. He or she looks like a zombie who is under the influence of some sort of mind control. I hear a telepathic message:

“The Red Cross commands you, give money, give money now.”

Sorry, folks, no one is getting into my pockets this year because I’m broke. Remember, I work for Mr. Grinch. I’m not really complaining though because, as we all know, it’s better to give than receive. It's good to give until it hurts. Just ask the security officers who work at my hospital. They just gave Mr. Grinch a Christmas gift that he’ll never forget.


I recently discovered that there is nothing more vindictive than a group of pissed off hospital security officers who have too much time on their hands. You may remember that our hospital administrator, Mr. Grinch, installed an expensive water fountain in the hospital’s new serenity garden instead of giving us our yearly Christmas bonus. I think he prefers hearing the sound of trickling water to the sound of extra coins jingling in our pockets. This didn’t amuse the security officers, so they decided to create a very special gift for Mr. Grinch. One day when they didn’t have anything else to do, they conducted a thorough inspection of the fountain. This netted Mr. Grinch no less than 20 building code violations. The fountain was condemned, and the security officers drained Mr. Grinch's pride and joy because it was a fire, drowning, and an electrical hazard. The fountain isn’t a total loss. Smokers are now using it as a big ugly ashtray when they go outside to smoke.

The security department returned holiday cheer to all of the hospital employees when they gave Mr. Grinch the "perfect gift," which proves that it really is better to give than to receive during the holiday season.