Nursing Voices

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Gas Pump Envy: Why Bigger Isn't Always Better

We have all heard of penis envy, but now there’s a new type of envy in town. This is a picture of my car, Milton Harvey. Isn’t he cute? Milton Harvey is really a dweeby looking car, hence his name. The only standard equipment missing on him is a bowtie and a pocket protector. SUV drivers who subconsciously think of their cars as some sort of phallic symbol use to make fun of Milton Harvey, but not anymore. They stopped laughing at him when gasoline topped out at over $3.00 a gallon. It's sad, but an increasing number of SUV drivers are suffering from gas pump envy.

I went to get some gas today, and I pulled up beside a man that was driving an enormous SUV. His monster truck towered over Milton Harvey, and it had every option on it known to mankind. Every American He-Man would love to own this SUV, but the owner of this truck looked stressed out. He sighed, and then he struck up a conversation with me as he filled his empty gas tank. He looked longingly at Milton Harvey, and then he told me that he has to fill his tank up twice a week, and that he pays $80.00 each time he stops for gas. I thought the guy was going to start crying when I told him that I get around in Milton Harvey for $ 25 a week. The man was still pumping his life savings into his car when I drove away.

Here are some words of wisdom for the SUV drivers who can no longer afford to fill up their gas tank: Stop worrying about the size of your car. It’s OK if it’s small. It’s what you do with it that counts.


Blogger Mark said...

I wish I could use Milton, but I have 7 kids, hence the only thing I can drive is an SUV. I'd get a van but I need 4 wheel drive for where I live, when it rains without 4 X 4 I can't get out of my driveway. I wish someone would make a reasonable 4 wheel drive full size van that got at least 25 mppg, instead I'm stuck with my Suburban that gets 18 mpg.

11:17 AM  
Blogger Nurse Betty said...

Stop worrying about the size of your car. It’s OK if it’s small. It’s what you do with it that counts.

Heh. Also, in a small-to-normal-sized vehicle, you can feel secure in the knowledge that no one is waving after you driving by in your Ford Overcompensator, cheerfully yelling, "Sorry about your penis!"

Not that I would ever do that, of course; I'm just sayin'. ;-)

(Not directed at Mark, above, by the way; SUVs full of kids/dogs/lumber/loads of mulch etc. are exempted; my gripe is with the single yuppie running errands downtown in his HumVee or Monster Truck.)

6:23 PM  
Blogger Zarathustra said...

I drive a Vauxhall Corsa. It's small, it's not sexy, it's definitely not P.I.M.P. and it doesn't act as a giant penis extension...

...but it does get 50mpg on the open road. Which incidentally is 20mpg more than a Lexus Hybrid. Envy me.

6:24 PM  
Blogger Mage And George said...

Thanks for the email from your mom. I'm glad to know that kidnappers aren't interested any more. Yup, too, we bought a toyota that get's 41 miles per gallon. Then again, Grumpy, our old truck, got 30 mpg until GM fixed the injectors. I'd sure like my old injectors back again.

Thanks for writing. I'm often here just quiet.

10:46 PM  
Blogger Barbara Kivowitz said...

I am so enjoying reading your blog. I tag you for a meme challenge with great appreciation.

To see the rules, check out this posting on my blog:

11:13 PM  
Blogger kario said...

Love this post! Love your dweeby car. Love that you get around in it for $25/week.

Wish I could cram my kids and dog into the basket on my bike, but listening to them complain is more than I can bear.

11:38 PM  
Blogger Jean-Luc Picard said...

Milton looks a good car.

3:34 PM  
Blogger Scott said...

Awesome! Is that an xB? I was thinking about getting one. I also REALLY wanted a Toyota Yaris, which is the smallest car I have ever seen. But I ended up with a Kia Rio. Probably gets about the same gas mileage as your nerd SUV.

5:25 PM  

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