Nursing Voices

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Naughty Nurses’ Night Out

This post is rated X. Please do not read this post if you have high moral standards. I am describing what happens when a bunch of rowdy nurses get together for another nurse’s bachelorette party. For the rest of you party animals, please read on.

Men think that they have cornered the market on wild parties, but that is the farthest thing from the truth. I recently attended a bachelorette party for a nurse who is getting married soon, and the party was quite festive. The bride-to-be is not a shy little thing, and neither were the 40 other women who were in attendance, most of whom are nurses. Since I’m not a drinker, I was put in charge of making sure that no one did anything that would get them into trouble, or on the front page of the next day’s newspaper. The party was held in the bride-to-be’s home in order to maintain damage control, and to protect partygoers’ reputations.

I had never gone to a bachelorette party before, and I was really amazed by all the products that are made in the shape of a penis. My favorite game involved taking a swing at a penis piñata that was filled with little sex-toys, lotions, and other potions. Partygoers also played toss the ring on the inflatable four-foot penis while the bride-to-be cut into a penis shaped red velvet cake. She gleefully cut into the dessert while she announced that she was circumcising the cake. Do you remember Lorena Bobbitt? The bride-to-be is deadly wicked with a knife, and I hope that the groom hides all of the knives in the house if he and the bride-to be ever get into a fight.

Partygoers were treated to pole dancing lessons sometime during the night. The bride-to-be really got into the swing of things. She took the stripper name of Heidi Deep Thighs. I’m not going to tell you my stripper name, but it had something to do with a big chest. I learned a lot and I was really amazed by our teacher's performance. Her talents defy the law of gravity. I passed on the pole dance lessons. I didn’t want to risk breaking a hip. A sales person was also in attendance, and she wasn’t selling Tupperware. Partygoers were whipping out their credit cards, and the bride-to-be was awarded $500 in free sexy merchandise based on the total sales. Nurses love to shop. By the end of the night, I had locked up the liquor cabinet, and I called taxis for everyone who couldn’t pass a sobriety test.

I saw the bride-to-be two days later when she came into work. She asked me how she ended up with rug burns on her knees. I told her that she would see what happened when she watches the videotape. She doesn’t remember me videotaping the party. Maybe I should put it on YouTube.


Blogger 911DOC said...

yeah, i've come to understand that while the brains are different, the capacity for debauchery is very similar.

10:35 PM  
Blogger Mage And George said...

Rug burns indeed. I'm sitting here laughing my head off.

10:06 AM  
Blogger Lea said...

MJ, you are hilarious!

12:45 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...


My name is Melissa Parks, editorial director for, a blog and content site devoted to the issues of new nurses (i.e., confronting a doctor when he/she's wrong; coping with stress; managing difficult patients, etc.).

Check out We added you to our bloglist. Would you add us to yours? Thanks.

Melissa Parks

12:59 PM  
Blogger kario said...

Love this post. See? Nurses are just people, too. I'm thinking you could probably make some money off of that videotape if you needed to...

1:26 PM  
Blogger NocturnalRN said...

Sounds like a blast! You must have some major blackmail with that video tape.

5:37 PM  
Blogger poody said...

haha I love it! I am going out to find the ring toss for my firned's birthday party.

6:50 PM  
Blogger jaz said...

Wow... I bet this post is going to get you a whole new crowd of readers.

I can just imagine the Google search terms.

7:53 PM  
Blogger AtYourCervix said...

Do we work with the same nurses? The fellow nurses I work with are very, very similar to the ones you work with! However, I didn't know about the ring toss onto the giant penis. I must find myself one of those, well, ahem, for research purposes only.

11:08 AM  
Blogger Marco said...

Then there's tossing onion rings onto the real thing (male stripper?)...

1:17 AM  
Blogger Jean-Luc Picard said...

A super post. Hen parties, as they are called here in Britain are all the rage!

10:37 AM  
Blogger School Nurse Jack said...

Someone once told me that nurses party with the best of them, and after spending time on the floor in clinicals and during integration, I now know why.

On a side note, my bachelorette party (15 years ago) at some point involved me on a stage in a chair with a shirtless man named Chase gyrating in front of me. I made money (given to me by male crowd members) that night . I don't think I want to know exactly how I pulled that off.

9:38 PM  
Blogger The Curmudgeon said...

You Tube, eh? Perhaps they picked the wrong person to be "in charge of making sure that no one did anything that would get them into trouble, or on the front page of the next day’s newspaper."

10:06 AM  
Blogger OHN said...

The wildest parties I have ever participated in were nurse and cop parties...the recreations of patients/prisoners are priceless.

10:27 AM  
Blogger Kathleen B. said...

Wow, I finally landed here. You're infamous. Your not as bad as they say.

I've been an RN for thirty some years - time to get out don't you think? I was thinking of blogging...

Your site is unique and thought provoking.

As far as debauchery goes..I think people who work hard naturally play hard.

I'll be back!

11:10 PM  
Blogger Mother Jones RN said...

Infamous? Who, little old me? I don't know who you've been talking to you, but I'm as pure as the freshly driven snow. Really.....

Thanks for stopping by.

11:40 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

You should have put up a warning not to read this post while eating secondary to the risk of ASPIRATION (said as I cough my oriental chicken salad back out of my right upper lobe...): D

10:35 PM  

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