Nursing Voices

Monday, September 24, 2007

Email From Mother

Part of my job as a psychiatric nurse is to help people learn to communicate more effectively with others. This post is for all you guys out there who read my blog. Please read this email sent to me by my mother, and take notes. This information will help you understand how the female mind works, thereby allowing you to live a calmer and less complicated life. Remember, knowledge is power.

Have you ever wondered what the women in your life are really trying to tell you when they speak? This list provides a translation of terms commonly used by women.

1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. Five minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4. Go ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5. Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6. That's Okay: This is one the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome.

8. Whatever: Is a women's way of saying screw YOU! (in a nice sort of way)

9. Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.

Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology. Send this is all the women you know to give them a good laugh, cause they know it't true.


Blogger The Curmudgeon said...

Hard to believe that this post is relatively safe leave a comment on -- but only in comparison with the immediate predecessor....

10:42 AM  
Blogger Cliffie said...

Oh boy, won't the comments on this one be interesting. I have seen it before. If it is true, the upside in it for married people is to help us to keep reminding ourselves, "I must not take this personally. Men and women are different. "

11:33 AM  
Blogger kario said...

Perfect! I'm printing it out and posting it on my husband's bathroom mirror. After fourteen years of marriage, he still has some things to learn...

1:33 PM  
Blogger ian121 said...

Hey I'm new to posting. I was wondering if there's a place on this blog to talk about nursing on TV & in film? Thanks!

6:59 PM  
Blogger HelloDarling said...

HI! I love your blog...I found it I think early this summer...and i love it! (I also love the other blogs you link to! I am also a medblog freak!) I'm not a nurse YET! (prob a Psychiatric NP!) But could we link blogs?! Thanks!


8:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This was a fun to read! And it certainly peeled back a couple of the layers on my own psyche.

"Fine" can also mean that I will get even by doing something a little sneaky that you will never know about. smile

9:03 PM  
Blogger Jean-Luc Picard said...

They are all very accurate!

3:44 PM  
Blogger MadMike said...

Wonderful! I am going to steal this and post it on Friday. Thanks again MJ for a fun [and instructive] read!

8:34 AM  
Blogger 911DOC said...

i would like to add one and see if you agree.

woman: "do whatever makes you happy."

translation. "dude, watch your freakin' step with your next move and choose what makes ME happy or YOU will not be happy for a loooooong time."

10:38 PM  
Blogger Mother Jones RN said...

911 DOC:

I'm in total agreement with your translation. The women in your life have taught you well.

11:03 PM  
Blogger Cliffie said...

I have been married longer than most bloggers have been alive. Don't roll your eyes, I won't wax wise. The great wisdom I thought I had 54 years ago got knocked out of me by 54 years of trying to figure out how two creatures so vastly different can possibly live together in harmony.

6:10 AM  
Blogger The Shrink said...

I have most trouble with the phrase, "that's nice."

We could be walking and my wife will point out a shimmering lake and say, "that's nice." Or we could pass some handbags in a shop and she'd say, "that's nice." Or we could pass some funky shoes with kitten heels and she'd say, "that's nice." Or we could walk 'neath a blazing sunset, the sky a riot of colour, and she could say, "that's nice."

Now I know she doesn't wanto me to get her the sunset. It's not realistic to think we could own an estate with a lake. I could pick up the handbag and she'd only curse because she thought it looked nice but not for her then curse when on her birthday I didn't get the shoes.

Far too subtle. Men just don't get hints.

7:31 AM  

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