Nursing Voices

Saturday, September 09, 2006

How to Solve the Nursing Shortage

Everyone we met on Capitol Hill is concerned about the nursing shortage. There's a crisis looming, so I’ve been giving a lot of thought to ways of dealing with the shortage. The best way to solve the nursing shortage is to pass the National Nurse Act, but until then I've come up with some inventive ways of dealing with the nursing shortage.

Fast Tract Nursing Programs:

One solution to the nursing shortage is to produce nurses more quickly. I suggest getting rid of all nursing programs, and replacing them with a condensed ten-week course. We can start by placing this ad in Nursing Spectrum Magazine, Nurse Week, and Advance Magazine for Nurses. Then I think we should follow up by getting a study published in one of the nursing journals touting the advantages of Fast Track nursing programs.


If mankind can clone sheep, why not clone nurses? This scientific break through would allow hospitals to get the nursing staff they need while saving money. Nurse recruiters would be obsolete, and hospitals would no longer have to offer competitive salaries to attract qualified nurses to their facilities. Need a nurse? Just add water to a prepared petre dish, stir gently, and incubate!

Recycling Retired Nurses:

It's a fact, if everyone with a nursing background got back into the profession, the nursing shortage would be over. I think the first step we should take is to draft retired nurses and put them back to work. Look at this nursing home administrator. She’s telling a retired nurse living at her facility that she is passing meds today. Doesn’t our little old nurse look surprised? The administrator better look out. That nurse looks feisty.


Blogger MadMike said...

LOL LOL! I love this. I need to send it to my daughter\nurse who lives and works in Seattle...

3:17 PM  
Blogger kario said...

How about an incentive program for single women who want to meet and marry single doctors? Become a nurse and choose your spouse?

4:50 PM  
Blogger NurseWilliam said...

That retired nurse looks familiar. I think she was in my ER last month. As I recall, she had the grip of a 275-lb. linebacker and the mouth of a longshoreman. Five minutes later, she was patting my face and calling me her "lover-boy."

Hoooooo-whee. That one sent me back to the desk talkin' to myself.

11:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG ... you crack me up!! Where in the world do you come up with this stuff?? I especially love all of the old books and newspaper clippings you post. You made this nurse LOL as she heads toward grad school so she can learn to properly teach a fresh crop of new nurses. I do plan to infuse humor into my teachings. I LOVE your blog!!

3:27 PM  
Blogger Mother Jones RN said...

Hi everyone:

I hate blogger. My blog wasn't loading yesterday, and I couldn't get back here to say hi.

Anonymous: I think it's great that you plan to use humor in your classes when you are a teacher. My teachers put me to sleep, and humor would have made nursing school a much happier place.

Kario: I love your idea. Note to self: Bribe women into nursing by offering them a hot, sexy doctor.

Hi Nurse William:
Thanks for stopping by. Love your blog!

Mad Mike: Thanks for passing my post on to your daughter. I hope she likes it.

11:09 AM  
Blogger Jo said...

Loved that!
Thanks for the laugh!

8:00 PM  
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9:55 AM  

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