Nursing Voices

Monday, April 09, 2007

Rah Rah Sis Boom Bah!

I found a letter in my post office box late last week from our hospital administrator, Mr. Grinch, announcing hospital pep rally week. He said he loves working with us, and that we will be celebrating excellence. Mr. Grinch explained that our wonderful hospital has five “Pillars of Excellence” that guide our daily actions and decision-making policies. The pillars are Quality, Service, People, Innovation, and Finance. I immediately thought that I had found a typo in the letter when I discovered that Finance was mentioned as the last pillar. After all, nurses are constantly being told that we have to work harder with less staff in order for the hospital to make more money. Mr. Grinch said that he was was very excited about the upcoming events. Here’s what’s happening this week at the hospital:

Monday: Silly Hat Day.

Free Hot Breakfast Bar in the hospital cafeteria from 6-9 a.m. Employees must be wearing a silly hat to get a free breakfast. I’ve heard of singing for your supper, but I’ve never heard of looking silly for your breakfast. I think I’ll pass.

Tuesday: Crazy Socks Day.

Sorry, there are no prizes for wearing crazy socks on Tuesday. You just get the honor of looking peculiar while you are at work.

Wednesday: Wear a Smile Day

Employees who smile are eligible to receive a free chair massage and blood pressure screening in the basement by the cafeteria. Keep on smiling!

Thursday: Hospital Spirit Day

Employees are encouraged to wear hospital colors to work to show their “team spirit.” For doing this, hospital employees will be rewarded with a hamburger or hotdog cooked out on a grill, and a chance to win a FREE flat screen TV. I can't imagine Mr. Grinch giving away a nice television. Maybe he plans to charge a delivery fee equivalent to the cost of the television. I wonder if it’s the same kind of TV that Mr. Grinch has in his luxurious office.

Friday: Jeans Day

Once again, there are no special prizes for wearing jeans to work, but the hospital plans to deliver special gifts to each department. Maybe I'll drop by the hospital to see if these guys are our “special gifts.”

I felt butterflies in my stomach after reading my letter from Mr. Grinch, or maybe it was just gas. Oh yeah, I’m feeling the love. Anyway, I can’t wait to see what they come up for us for Nurses Week. I heard that the hospital plans to spend 4 bucks on each nurse. Well placed sources have told me that Mr. Grinch plans to buy us each a flash light. Oh joy, now I'm really feeling the love. I’ll keep you posted.


Blogger jaz said...

Morale boosters! God love them!

I used to love hearing announcements about upcoming changes to boost morale... hmm... what would boost morale? Extra staffing? Bonuses? Less red tape, more time to actually help people?

No... blue jeans day!


8:13 PM  
Blogger tangent 90 degrees said...

This sounds vaguely like the last "Spirirt Week" we held at our high school.

One day was Class Color's Day: freshman wore one color, sophmores another, and so on. The Grinch could adadpt that day to have nurse wear one color, doctors another, CNAs yet another -- wait, you probably already do this ;)

Another day was Twin Day. No triplets allowed (how they ever enforced that I'll never know). I';; bet the Grinch could assign nurse/doctor twin pairings to "foster spirit".

Pajama Day was always may personal favorite. As a teacher I'd participate in this day -- roll out of bed and go to work. Spirit, Spiriti, Rah, Rah, Yawn. I don't think the Grinch will go for this day.

Sports Day was a favorite among the boys. They'd get to wear their sports jerseys (our school required uniform to curb gang activity). Given the levels of testosterone present on this day, I can envision a scalpel fight in the parking lot between warring factions of sports jersey clad medical professionals.

The week would always end with Tropical Day. "No coconut bras. Shorts must be worn underneath grass skirts." This could be a great day with over-21 participants -- think umbrella drinks!

8:36 PM  
Blogger ERnursey said...

let's see, I was exactly short 1/2 of my staff last day I worked. The floors were short too so I couldn't get a float and I couldn't get admitted people out of the ER so we were holding patients all day. To top it all off I got a ration of shit from the nursing supervisor when I put us on diversion. I think it would take more than a silly hat and a hot dog to fix that.

11:44 PM  
Blogger Forgotten Blue Line said...

Yea, where I work we are doing a RA RA go team go thing. Today our Mr. Grinch before his board meeting brought up all the board members to look at all their money, I mean patients.
Coincidentally when our Grinch left with the suit patrol all the nurse showing spirit in the emergency room went home and were down to 2 pissed off RNs for 16 rooms. The board members would go threw the roof if they only knew. Our Grinch thinks giving free crap food to us will make us happy.

12:04 AM  
Blogger girlvet said...

Isn't it amazing that it is someones job somewhere to come up with this stuff?!! And the sad thing is whoever they presented it to said, "yeah that's really a good idea".....we usually get some kind of item (cup, tote bag, t shirt) which advertises the hospital for nurses week....oh boy!!

10:23 AM  
Blogger poody said...

LOL LAME!! I believe this is the last pillar. I love the crazy socks and crazy hats thing. And smile for pete's sake just give me a f ing massage! I once won a TV from the nuns at the hositpal where I worked. If they can give it up there is hope for the Grinch

11:14 AM  
Blogger Runs With Scissors said...

There must be a rash of this crap going on. Our "Employee Climate Survey" started yesterday. You know ... the one that's SUPPOSED to be confidential ... the one where you tell everything you like and don't like about your job, your bosses, and your colleagues? Like they can't figure out who you are from your demographic info ... "Female, 45-50 y/o, been an employee 15 years ... in XYZ unit". Oh yeah ... and you answer it via email! Give me a break! They tried to bribe us into answering in the positive by giving us crappy hot dogs and potato chips. Yeah, that works for me! Mr. Grinch knows how to bribe me, alright!

I'm with everyone else. Just give me the manpower and materials to do my job the safe way!

11:24 AM  
Anonymous Kaliki said...

Ooh, yeah, work incentives! We are hospice nurses who travel everywhere to see people. Our manager's big idea was to have us all contribute to a fund so there could be an employee of the month who gets the money. In other words, we have to pay our own incentives. So far, they have collected $2. Sigh.

11:47 AM  
Blogger Jean-Luc Picard said...

I have my 400th post up; take a look as you have a starring role in my imaginary story.

1:46 PM  
Blogger Labor Nurse said...

Good Lord! It sounds even worse than Nurse's Day/Week crap.

4:20 PM  
Blogger Smalltown RN said...

OH we go again....I sometimes just don't know what they are thinking....or are they? Hmmmm now that is the question....

Oh I love how you put a serious topic in light humour.....thank you...I have always said you better laugh or you will cry....

Happy Tuesday...

5:15 PM  
Blogger Deacon Barry said...

Be careful when the management offer food - especially Black Forest Gateau. This will explain why :

6:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm an engineering consultant and have worked at many companies. The companies that do this stuff alot are usually the most immoral.

I know of a company in the southwest that had some sort of contest or do nothing at work day every week. If they weren't sheltered by the government they would be bankrupt. There are some truly bizarre and bad corporate cultures out there.

Anyways we all know it's Bush's fault and America will go back to being a utopia as soon as he's out of office.

6:08 PM  
Blogger Ken Wedding said...

Mr. Grinch must have been an assistant principal in a junior high school before he got into hospital maladminstration.

Anyone with a vague familiarity with management and supervision would recognize hat, hot dog, smile, and jeans days as counter productive BS.

How much more demeaning can they be?

8:39 PM  

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